Posted by: Sarah | September 8, 2009

Clarkson On Norway

“Wiggle your hips and drive like a Norwegian”…

…that’s the advice that Jeremy Clarkson gave when he test drove the Mercedes ML320 in Norway.  A colleague forwarded this article to me yesterday (thanks Christian!) and whilst I tried to restrain myself from uncontrollable fits of laughter, I just couldn’t!  It’s a little old (2006) but still highly amusing…highlights below (full article here)

“But behind the veneer of normality it’s as mad as a box of hovercraft.  First of all there’s the bothersome business or reading [road] signs…Norwegian doesn’t seem to be a language that’s evolved, or migrated.  I learnt after a few days that the Norwegian for “parking” is “parkering” but this doesn’t work with other verbs.  Norwegian for “talking”, for instance, isn’t “talkering”.  And if you say you want to go “drinkering”, they won’t have a clue what you’re on about.”

“Though that’s because in the frozen north you need to drive for 500 miles to find a beer and when you get there you’ll be charged about £500.”

“Lillehammer was a nippy -9.  So to move around you have to develop an unusual gait.  Some time back The Bangles sang a song called Walk Like An Egyptian but I think it would be better if they had done Walk Like a Norwegian.  What you do is put your foot down and then wiggle your hips imperceptibly to ensure you have grip before taking your other foot off the ground…I call it the Elvis Pelvis”

“Even the main roads in Norway are snow covered.  The back roads are made up of what appears to be a rip-snorting wheel-twirling combination of ice, banana skins and Fairy Liquid”

“…a Land Rover Discovery costs more than £100,000 so buy a normal two-wheel drive car…and cope.  And to make sure this happens you’re limited to 4mph and the roads are littered with forward-facing speed cameras that go off in a  burst of blinding red light so intense it can strip all the paint off the front of your car.  They don’t take your licence for speeding over there.  They take your sight”

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